“Oral sex gave him throat cancer.” Yep, Michael Douglas isn’t just another douche blaming his problems on vaginas. Or, if he is, at least his story may have credibility. It’s totally possible the 68-year-old actor’s carpet munching transmitted HPV to his mouth and, therefore, he got sick. For those wondering, How the hell can eating someone out give you cancer!?, grab a seat and listen up.
WHAT IS HPV?
HPV is an STI which can infect the vulva, vagina, penis, anus, throat, tongue, or other areas of the head and neck with a link to cancer in these areas. Let’s break that apart. STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) are often called STIs (sexually transmitted infections) because the word “disease” carries and stigma and, of course, not all infections are diseases. That whole “STI” thing hasn’t really caught on yet, so reproductive health professionals still sometimes say “STDs,” using plain English so people know what the hell we’re talking about. List of common STDs. More info about HPV.
HOW DO I KNOW IF I HAVE AN STD?
Regardless of the STD, the most common symptom is no symptom. Get tested. Go to the national HIV and STD testing resource, enter your zip code, find the free clinic(s) near you, make an appointment and go. It’s that easy. Also, as I’ve mentioned before: If you don’t want your current or future employers (or anyone else) to know you’ve got herpes or are on Xanax or you’ve undergoing gender confirming surgery counseling or whatever the hell else you wanna keep private, ASK how your file will be used and/or where the information will be reported.
WHY WOULD AN STD BE IN MY MOUTH?
People commonly get it on in three orifices via vaginal, oral, or anal sex. Pretty much anything you can get in one hole, you can get in the others. Anal herpes? Totally a thing. Chlamydia in the mouth? It happens. HPV from performing fellatio or cunnilingus? Ask Michael Douglas.
IF YOU GET THROAT CANCER, IS IT BECAUSE YOU HAD ORAL SEX?
Nope. Smoking and alcohol can also cause cancers of the head and neck. You might ask: Heeeeeey, Twanna, so, if Mr. Douglas smoke and drank, that could’ve given him throat cancer instead of HPV, right? Poor pussy! He’s using it as a scapegoat. To that I’d say: Theoretically, it’s possible. Can’t know for sure; I’m not his doctor.
THIS SHIT SUCKS. IF I LOVE ORAL SEX, HOW CAN I STAY SAFE?
For cunnilingus, use a dental dam, cling wrap, or a condom slit down the side. For fellatio, use a flavored condom.
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