It’s Okay to Have Sex on the First Date (Or Not)

Image by Zach Rathore

Image by Zach Rathore

I’ve had sex on the first date. Hell, I’ve had first “dates” that were practically just, you know, “sex.” I don’t judge anyone for getting it on the mattress, the living room floor, in the community pool, or anywhere else on the first encounter because personal sexual decisions are, of course, personal. Enter Alyssa Shelasky. She’s got a great New York magazine read called “Fucking on the First Date? How It Worked Out for 8 Women.”

Here’s the thing: I rarely sleep with men on the first date anymore. Or the second. Or the third. Although I don’t need to be married, I have the longterm in mind. I want to know if the guy is worth keeping around before I share with him the glorious wonder that is my delicious vagina. My shit’s good. I know that. I’m a catch. I know that, too. That doesn’t mean I’m without flaws (I have tons!); I’m just picky when it comes to putting out. In fact, a while ago, when a new guy suggested we kick the second date off at his place, I politely declined. At brunch on our second hang, when he again suggested we return to his place, I said no again. We hung out for 6+ hours filled with brunch, walking through a park with fingers interlaced, and tongue-in-mouth and lips-against-forehead kissing in a dark theater while watching Frances Ha. The next day, I received this:

Hey kiddo. Been doin some thinking & the not wanting to visit my apartment kind of turned me off. I guess I’m looking for someone less conservative & more wild & adventurous.

Nothing screams “I’m a forward-thinking, progressive man” louder than dropping a woman for not going back to your place. I’ll stop with my story there because this isn’t about me or him. What I really want every woman — and man! — to know is this: If you fuck someone, it doesn’t mean you’re a slut or wild. If you don’t, that doesn’t make you a prude or conservative. It simply means this: You either did or didn’t sleep with someone. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t fuck anyone who tells you your decision about going home with them shortly after meeting determines whether they’re interested in you sexually.

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It’s Okay to Have Sex on the First Date (Or Not)

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